With our divorce rate hovering somewhere between 50% and 60%, is it not reasonable to ask if men and women really can get along? My readers know, from my book and previous articles, about my interminable fascination with the battle of the sexes. Fueling my quest for better answers on this subject are the constantly changing statistics of my Website traffic. I have online access to a comprehensive report containing the number of visitors, the URLs of referring Websites, visitors’ IP addresses and browsers used, and examined content and visit durations—important metrics but nothing too exciting.The juiciest part of the statistics report, however, is the list of keyword phrases that brought many visitors to my Website, via their favorite search engines. These keyword phrases tell me a lot about what men and women really think and feel about romance, and about each other. The picture isn’t pretty.Below are two lists of keyword searches—one of men’s searches and one of women’s searches—that I gleaned from over 2500 keyword phrases posted in the past 15 months of visits to my Website. For this article, I chose the ones to which I had a significant reaction when reading them. What do they show me? Basically, that men and women are the same and have the same desires, fears, concerns, hang-ups, and vulnerabilities. What surprised me is the high degree of suspicion each gender has about the other’s trustworthiness. In my article “Five Myths About Women,” I dispelled the long-held belief in our society that men are the cheaters. Women are equal-opportunity practitioners of infidelity. I am truly astonished by the high number of male keyword-search visitors to my Website who are in pain about their girlfriends, fiancées, and wives cheating on them. (Notice that all keyword phrases concerning infidelity are in bold type.)My anecdotal discovery of massive distrust leads me to hold up a mirror, this article, so men and women can see the dysfunction for themselves. As I’ve stated in previous writings: Unless men and women eradicate their outdated socialized behaviors and relate as peers, they never really will get along. There is no excuse for this painful disconnect: men and women are virtually the same and absolutely equal. It’s time to get real.

On October 18, 2004, Fortune Magazine featured another of its excellent “50 Most Powerful Women in Business” sections. And, on November 8, 2004, the Wall Street Journal presented its version of the top-50 women in business (and how they got there): “Women to Watch: Through the Glass Ceiling.” Both of these reports prove, again, that women are powerful, smart, tough, savvy beings who can achieve whatever they want. All the women who constantly whine about inequality would do well to study their successful sisters.

Ironically, the meteoric ascendancy of women in the past decade is the root of the problem, causing many men and women to struggle with the roles they play in their love lives. The love dynamic between a man and a woman always has been related directly to their workplace dynamic—with the man traditionally dominating. Time for a “dynamic” overhaul: Today, women are CEOs, doctors, lawyers, judges, jurists, legislators, mayors, governors, cabinet officers, highly paid entertainers and athletes, and heads of state. New rules.

Women are struggling with these changes, too. There always will be women who feel aggrieved and powerless in the workplace, making B-lines to the EEOC for their remedies. On the other hand, the ones who know how to succeed, like Bernadine Healy, former president of the Red Cross and the only physician to hold that post, find better solutions using personal power. In Harvey Mackay’s new book, We Got Fired!, Healy summed up her experience dealing with men’s outlandish antifemale behavior: “…somehow we all survived with goodwill and good humor in the end. Bottom line: Don’t get fixed on things you can do nothing about. Otherwise, they will slow you down.”

Success stories about women abound, like the Healy story above. Yet, many women who do well professionally find few men who are secure enough to be with them. Legions of lonely, accomplished women have said as much to me. In one of the female keyword searches in the list below, an obviously successful woman wrote this nugget: “Why do smart, independent women have problems in relationships?” There are two basic reasons: 1) Men who, emotionally speaking, still live in 1950, cannot deal with self-sufficient women. 2) Women who are overly assertive and have a need always to be in charge—because they’re insecure—are hard to live with. Worse are the successful women who also want to be wined, dined, and placed on pedestals—give me a break!

The solution to creating harmony between the sexes is quite simple, yet challenging to implement for those stuck in obsolete thinking and behaviors:

1. Men: eliminate your old definition of masculinity—protecting and providing for women—and embrace educated, able, competitive, and proactive women; don’t tolerate women’s double standards.
2. Women: be yourselves while coexisting with men; achieve your goals without sweating over what men might think; stop demanding and expecting chivalrous, deferential treatment; and use humor to disarm and create bridges to resocializing men.

Use these keyword-search lists below to gain new insights into where we are today as a society, as well as how far men and women must travel towards each other to create no-nonsense relationships. Happy hunting!

this article writen by by Marc H. Rudov

How to Attract, Seduce and Keep Your Man

There are three stages in any relationship:1) Attraction2) Seduction3) Maintain or Abandon ShipThe attraction stage involves flirting and projecting an attractive image. We play with our hair bit more,use our eyes to attract his attention or appear mysterious and draw his attention to our legs by crossingand uncrossing them. We also take as much care as possible to appear at our best. This is the easypart.The next stage is when we decide to take things to the next level, usually sexually. We bring out orsexiest lingerie and scent ourselves with the most seductive perfumes and body oils imaginable. Fromthere it doesn’t take much hinting to let him know that if he doesn’t take you to bed soon, you maydirect all that pent up passion in someone else’s direction.3)Finally there is the maintenance or abandon ship stage. This is the area where most of us get intotrouble.How to Attract, Seduce and Keep Your Man either the man or woman limits potential mates), somewhere I’ve seen birth rates of male children as another possible reason. Not once had anyone ask the question to all these women who claim there’s

a shortage of men could they be the obstacle to marriage and not the male population?

“It’s funny how women who are happily single have no shortage of men in their lives and marriage

desperate women complain of a man shortage.” Joie

Somewhere in all this disparity over finding husbands women continue to fight illusions (negative

illusions might I add) over being single, especially if they’re past the age of 35. “I can’t be happy

without a man.” They could learn a thing or two from their peers who are secure in themselves and

have a healthy attitude in regards to being single. These secure women recognizes how marriage

could add new dimensions to their lives but they don’t rely on it as a “be all end all” for happiness. It’s

these women who are quick to tell others there are no shortages of men wanting marriage, no just a

shortage of women willing to allow themselves happiness not based on marital status.

“I personally don’t buy the eligible man shortage baloney. Being unhappy and desperate for love is a

barrier to marriage not some man shortage.” Denise

“The man shortage is created by women by being unhappy as they currently are. Women need to

understand they must be happy to attract happy. What man want the burden of spending their lives

trying to make some unhappy woman happy, he would have to be crazy to sign up for that job.” Leiza

The above quotes are from women asked if there was a man shortage.

Regena English, the editor of The Leather Spinsters Newsletter for happily unmarried careerwomen

and ActiveWear for Single Women Clothing.